... and fuck this thing in particular.
Nov. 25th, 2015 10:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hirezBecause I've been mostly doing internet things for the past oh god what really that long years, I have had the deep misfortune to come across alleged software written by annoying children seemingly in the grip of a three-week caffeine bender. Systemd, for example. The idea is not actually a bad one; have a thing that sits there and minds all the bits of yr Unix box, and make that thing aware of modern inconveniences like shonky networking, shonky batteries and shonky storage. The things that would make yr traditional Unix malarkey sulk in a corner and/or ask plaintively where the next nine-track tape was coming from.
However, as implemented and as installed on Bloody beardian it is an epic sack of pants and I look forward to the procession of r00t exploits.
The reason I was effing about w/systemd is some even worse software. The howling caffeinated children in this case seem to have found the keys to the poisons cupboard and have supplemented themselves by gobbling grey market psychoactives couriered direct from an anonymous Chinese lab.
Fucking docker and fucking nomad are not meant for grownups. The target market is clearly Valley or Roundabout startups peopled by useless bastards who consider Nathan Barley a quaint documentary and who are actually the sort of people who ask things like 'How do I get my coders to do 60-80 hour weeks?'
The answer being job-specs like 'We use cutting edge tools like docker, consul and nomad to ensure that our entirely facile social app works as swiftly as possible in hoovering your demographics, location and alleged taste in shitty media properties so we can sell you and your friends to the lowest bidder. Via some shit javascript secured with our own secret double-XOR encryption.' Which mean that for 50 of those 60-80 hours, one or more 'coders' (They're not fucking engineers. I'm not a fucking engineer. Fuck you.) will be looping round the stations of the crass 'documentation' until they doubt their own sanity.
A kind of industrialised psyops/gaslighting, if you will. The KGB used to beat a man for weeks. In the C21st you can sit on your arse in a not-aeron and have your brainwashing outsourced to some hateful mob of fuckers with a view of Fisherman's Wharf and artisanal bogpaper. You steam (virtually, this is the internet) from fuckyou.io site to github to a gist (so more github) like a plaid rat in a shit maze, wondering why something clearly so simple and obvious eludes you. All your 'friends' are making it work. You can see them talking about it on the Twitters. There they are at #twattyconf, slurping double-hopped IPA in a free t-shirt with another fucking .io domain on the front.
(Are there .oi domains yet? Geezah.oi.oi etc.)
Here are some slides from #twattyconf. Here is a picture of a person in a cube at a jaunty angle. These slides will be wacky no doubt. But not sexist or ableist. No. There is a code of conduct which has made everything better. Three slides in there is some commandline malarkey rendered in green-on-black by someone who has never seen a VT100 (which was wonky white-on-black because the video boards on those things were shite) but wishes you to know they are l33t haxx0r. You peer at the green-on-black and wonder if this is worth yet another migraine and yet another day of self-hatred, because the commandline malarkey allegedly makes the industrialised psyops software written by horrible children do the things you want.
You type it out longhand, because the presentation software has rendered everything as pictures, which is the way that modern young people communicate. Text being for the old and the poor. The industrialised psyops software pauses for slightly longer than usual. Perhaps it will work. Perhaps this undocumented switch...
No. Of course not.
Back in your Skinner box, admin-boy. The hateful children have not finished taunting you today.
However, as implemented and as installed on Bloody beardian it is an epic sack of pants and I look forward to the procession of r00t exploits.
The reason I was effing about w/systemd is some even worse software. The howling caffeinated children in this case seem to have found the keys to the poisons cupboard and have supplemented themselves by gobbling grey market psychoactives couriered direct from an anonymous Chinese lab.
Fucking docker and fucking nomad are not meant for grownups. The target market is clearly Valley or Roundabout startups peopled by useless bastards who consider Nathan Barley a quaint documentary and who are actually the sort of people who ask things like 'How do I get my coders to do 60-80 hour weeks?'
The answer being job-specs like 'We use cutting edge tools like docker, consul and nomad to ensure that our entirely facile social app works as swiftly as possible in hoovering your demographics, location and alleged taste in shitty media properties so we can sell you and your friends to the lowest bidder. Via some shit javascript secured with our own secret double-XOR encryption.' Which mean that for 50 of those 60-80 hours, one or more 'coders' (They're not fucking engineers. I'm not a fucking engineer. Fuck you.) will be looping round the stations of the crass 'documentation' until they doubt their own sanity.
A kind of industrialised psyops/gaslighting, if you will. The KGB used to beat a man for weeks. In the C21st you can sit on your arse in a not-aeron and have your brainwashing outsourced to some hateful mob of fuckers with a view of Fisherman's Wharf and artisanal bogpaper. You steam (virtually, this is the internet) from fuckyou.io site to github to a gist (so more github) like a plaid rat in a shit maze, wondering why something clearly so simple and obvious eludes you. All your 'friends' are making it work. You can see them talking about it on the Twitters. There they are at #twattyconf, slurping double-hopped IPA in a free t-shirt with another fucking .io domain on the front.
(Are there .oi domains yet? Geezah.oi.oi etc.)
Here are some slides from #twattyconf. Here is a picture of a person in a cube at a jaunty angle. These slides will be wacky no doubt. But not sexist or ableist. No. There is a code of conduct which has made everything better. Three slides in there is some commandline malarkey rendered in green-on-black by someone who has never seen a VT100 (which was wonky white-on-black because the video boards on those things were shite) but wishes you to know they are l33t haxx0r. You peer at the green-on-black and wonder if this is worth yet another migraine and yet another day of self-hatred, because the commandline malarkey allegedly makes the industrialised psyops software written by horrible children do the things you want.
You type it out longhand, because the presentation software has rendered everything as pictures, which is the way that modern young people communicate. Text being for the old and the poor. The industrialised psyops software pauses for slightly longer than usual. Perhaps it will work. Perhaps this undocumented switch...
No. Of course not.
Back in your Skinner box, admin-boy. The hateful children have not finished taunting you today.
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no subject
Date: 2015-11-26 08:21 am (UTC)Anyway, I console myself with the thought that everything else is worse. Except coffee. Coffee is the best.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-26 02:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-11-27 01:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-11-27 01:35 pm (UTC)Little do they know how much contempt I have for the notion of 'BOfH'
no subject
Date: 2015-11-27 01:10 am (UTC)coolaidcraft beer with people in .io t-shirts, because that shit gets me work.I don't code, I barely admin, but it turns out I'm better than most at at least the admin part. It's a living.
I really do get what you're saying here and in many other posts in the past. It's just... I will never hack the fucking gibson, understand how punch cards work, or perl or oh I dunno, cobol or something. I will probably never, ever have to build my own LAMP stack again. I haven't given up, I'm not One Of Them. I do my best to get it.
I don't know how to drive either.
Know what though? I think you are fucking awesome. I don't want you to stop writing stuff like this, it makes me think I know you a bit better. When I next get to buy you a pint I'll remember it and probably ask inept questions.
Anyway. I'm not One Of Them, right? I just wanted you to know that.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-27 04:42 am (UTC)Usually it takes, 'how do we secure it?' 'How do we manage 1000 of them' and 'how do you prove any of that, and you have to explain it without the howler monkey back home'
Tragically it be at one of those offices with a view of Fishermans Wharf and lumbersexuals wafting past.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-27 04:44 am (UTC)