Cake Continuum. Episode seven-and-a-bit

[hirez]

Professor Kipling hooked the tea-cosy with one finger and eyed it at arm's length. There didn't seem to be any moving parts, teeth or HT electrodes. What had Mrs. Battenburg done... Stand just about here... Place tea-cosy on head like so... Make fists and raise forearms vertically like... Oh!

He wobbled where he stood. Whatever had just happened felt exactly like catching yourself falling in a dream.

There was an overpowering smell of steel.

The landscape was metal. All of it. He was standing on a steel road that was scuffed shiny in several parallel tracks. The kerb was a run of mostly-corroded I-beam and the pavement slabs were blue enamelled gone chipped at the corners and held in place by dull grey coachbolts. Further afield, the buildings were rectilinear and pieced together from more enamelled panels. It was like being inside the world's largest Meccano set.

"You took your time."

The professor turned to discover that Mrs. Battenburg had rolled up on a self-propelled throne. At least it seemed to be acting as a throne for the moment. It gave him the distinct impression of an opened-out gearbox in the middle of trying some alternate form of employment. Indeed, it was quite obvious that Mrs. Battenburg was keeping any loose clothing from any of the whirling and reciprocating bits.

"I'll have you know that I tried your Crowley move not thirty seconds after you did," he said.

Mrs. Battenburg raised an eyebrow and started to move her right boot from her other knee. The gearbox-throne waved a layshaft and made a noise like someone rattling a tobacco tin of circlips and split washers.

"If I might interject," it said in a voice akin to the modulated white-noise grinding of a paper-tape punch, "this dimension runs at a rather different clock-rate to the one with which you are most familiar. We regret any confusion or inconvenience thus caused."

"Er, right. Jolly good." The professor wasn't too hot on physics. To be perfectly fair, other than his party piece with the tea-identification, he tended to disguise his lack of interest in anything other than the Norton Owner's Club newsletter with a deal of running around and pointing at things. 'Clock-rate' was going to be something to do with pocket-watch repair costs, no doubt. He stared into the middle distance in a manner that he hoped conveyed gravitas and careful consideration of the matters at hand, while looking for something convenient to run towards and point at.

Mrs. Battenburg sighed. She'd seen that look before.

"They want to open a cake-shop," she said.

"A cake-shop?" echoed the professor.

The gearbox-throne's voice motor span up again.

"Absolutely. As part of our investigations into pioneering fresh market opportunities, it was decided to leverage our unique temporal advantages on a go-forward basis. Thus we engaged in a proactive methodology in order to ascertain how we might add value with maximal efficiency, which involved seeking out and utilizing in-play assets with a view to crafting a win-win go-to-market strategy."

The professor blinked and seemed lost. He looked at Mrs. Battenburg, who shrugged.

"Haven't the foggiest." She kicked at a slab of tread-plate with one heel to attract the gearbox-throne's attention. "We're missing some scientists. Know anything about it?"

"The assets?" said the machine.

"If you say so."

"Yes. We will rightsize that unit shortly due to that functionality no longer being a business priority."

"When you say rightsize..?" she asked.

"Terminate."

Comments

[jarkman.livejournal.com]

I really want to see the cover art for this.

[bmlg.livejournal.com]

The endpapers should be interesting too.

[d-floorlandmine.livejournal.com]

Both of the above!