All I want for Christmas is a Lev Yashin shirt.

[hirez]

Actually, what I would really like is for the part of my brain that remembers things to do its fucking job.

For instance: car keys go in left front pocket. Due to the nature of pockets, they are vanishingly unlikely to fall out, even if I am hauled up by the ankles and shaken vigorously.

Nevertheless, some shitpot cron-job goes off every five minutes:

'Where are your keys?'
'In my pocket.'
'Are you sure?'
'I am fucking sure.'
'Really?'
'Piss off.'
'You should check.'
'You should fuck off.'
Etc.

It's not just keys, obv.

Perhaps it is because my brain has been replaced by mucous.

Comments

[diffrentcolours]

I actually do this subconsciously now. Slightly tight trousers, contents with clearly-recognisable outlines, it's all good.

Then I wear unfamiliar trews and fall back into the five-minute interrupt state...

[jarkman.livejournal.com]

I do the auto-frisk on the way out of the house, or pretty much anywhere else. Cinemas & stuff. But not in between. Possibly because I am too lazy.

Like this ?

http://www.tshirtsville.com/acatalog/CCCP-football-shirt-Yashin.html

[solipsistnation.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I do that too. Especially while travelling. Didn't stop me leaving my good isolation headphones on a fucking plane in Ireland, of all places, but still.

When I'm at work, I put my keys (and wallet, ipod, phone, and swiss army knife) in a special clear spot on my desk, behind and to the side of my monitor where they are in my peripheral vision at all times.

Cell phone usually goes in shirt pocket. Sometimes when I'm wearing a t-shirt, I put it in my pants pocket. This inevitably leads to occasional "OMGZPHONE" panics and frantic self-frisking. I try not to do that in public.

[neefsck.livejournal.com]

I have to put my keys and wallet and such in a certain place when I'm at home, otherwise I'm completely screwed.

The last time I didn't was when the wife took my headphones off me to put in her bag saying "I'll carry them, and you can get them from me later"
I didn't.
In my search to find the backup headphones I forgot about my wallet, keys and sunglasses and locked myself out of the house before I remembered.
On the plus side, I did find my headphones so I could call my wife at work and grumble at her.

[sheepthief.livejournal.com]

I am a dedicated patter of pocket-matter (wasn't that something from Leather Godesses of Phobos? No... that was pocketa pocketa thweep, maybe). Anyhoo, yeah, it's confusing when I wear something other than combats and the pockets all get consolidated.

[sheepthief.livejournal.com]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DY-Zdgo0OXo

[neefsck.livejournal.com]

The only thing I remember from Leather Goddesses of Phobos is the experiment involving large amounts of Lubricant, some rubber tubing, and a Yak.

[bogwitch64.livejournal.com]

Who is the fiend who replaced your brain with mucous?? I'd hunt him or her down and make them switch back if I were you.

[neefsck.livejournal.com]

My brain does similar.

*leave house*
Have you got your keys?
-I just locked the fucking door, of course I've got my keys!

*wait at tram stop*
Have you got your keys?

*get on tram*
How about now?

*get off tram*
Now ?

*walk to work*
Now ?
Now?
Now ?
Now ?
What about Now ?
Are we there yet ?
How about now ?


This happens *every* single time I leave the house.
Even if its just to womble the 100 meters or so up the street to the bottle shop.

[mr-tom.livejournal.com]

After many years of leaving a trail of small-yet-vital possessions lying around in my wake, I find myself unable to go anywhere without doing the pocket-patting dance beforehand.

Now, leaving the gas on. There's an earworm that won't go away. And we don't even have a gas hob

[hirez.livejournal.com]

I remain convinced that the random German folk dance involving manly slapping and comedy trousers is the result of a semi-buried memory about some disastrous forgetting that could have destabilised the treaty of Westphalia.

"Great seal? I'm sure I had it when I left the palace... Etc."

I've always thought that it would be handy to be a kangaroo.

[jendama.livejournal.com]

This is why women have handbags, purses, whatnot. Just don't get a bum bag and you'll be fine.

Re: I've always thought that it would be handy to be a kangaroo.

[ivory-goddess.livejournal.com]

This is why women have handbags

So long as you only have one. If you have more than one that you use regularly, you can, unless you're very organised, forget to swap all necessary items between bags. This is how come I've had to:
a) get signed in at work (forgot work ID),
b) pay for a ticket at my destination station and then get a refund the next day(annual train pass),
c) pay actual money for a tube fare (oystercard)
d) let myself into the house with the cunningly hidden spare key!

Brains. Who'd have 'em?

Re: I've always thought that it would be handy to be a kangaroo.

[hirez.livejournal.com]

Brains are lovely. It just seems that having to fill them with quotidian rememberings is a bit of a waste.

Re: I've always thought that it would be handy to be a kangaroo.

[ingaborg.livejournal.com]

Exactly! If I switch bags (eg. to the smarter one, for an interview) I am in real danger until everything has been transferred back to the correct places. It's also risky for me to try to lighten the load by removing items I don't expect to need on a particular day. In the end I usually just schlep everything around with me because then I won't have a problem. Weight-bearing exercise is healthy anyway :)

[venta.livejournal.com]

Yesterday I forgot to pick up my mobile as I left the house. Ah well. A day of going "aaargh, mobile-pocket empty". Wallet-pocket (I wear combats) bumped against my knee, reassuringly wallety.

Paranoia forced a more thorough wallet-check as I left work at lunchtime... horror. Wallet-pocket contained phone.

Natural order destroyed, and wallet AWOL. Gibbering ensued. Brain clearly absent at time of enpocketing.

[hirez.livejournal.com]

Everything we own should be connected with string. Not unlike a Milligan sketch.

[venta.livejournal.com]

The Heath Robinson Pocket Organiser.

I'm on it.

[hirez.livejournal.com]

Steampunk! (At this point I believe that W. Heath Robinson would be rotating in his grave. No doubt via a mechanism of his own devising)

Forward in all directions!

[opensourceress.livejournal.com]

Or just do like misterfurious and wear everything you own on your belt!

Out of interest we weighed his work trousers complete with belt and they were around 10kg.

[hirez.livejournal.com]

http://tacticalcorsets.com/corsets

[inulro.livejournal.com]

Perhaps it is because my brain has been replaced by mucous.

Entirely likely. My mental health goes to hell every time I'm brewing a virus.