hirez | Motoring news with Neasden Postlethwaite

A collection of accidents desperate to happen:

i) some dayglo bollix on a blue Ridgeback. Drop a frigging cog you useless muppet, then you wouldn't have to wave about on your bike like one of those dancing flower things. Also, don't be a cock-end and steam up the inside of a queue of cars when the pair at the head of the queue are indicating left. I knew you were a self-righteous tossbag and was watching you in my wing-mirror, the other fellow wasn't. A cycle lane painted on the edge of the road isn't a bloody forcefield and you're going to get yourself killed. You cock.

ii) Blue Avensis-minder a few miles further on. Steaming up to a roundabout in the right-hand lane of the dual carriageway is fair enough if you are intending to turn right or continue in the right-hand lane. It is, however, a fucking stupid idea to swing into the left-hand lane on your exit from the roundabout when there is already a Saab 9K occupying that space. You cock.

iii) Sweatmaster-sweat with the aero-bars and the Cervelo replica kit. If you're going to play at TT riding on the way into work, do it on the straightish bits of the cycle-path where there's plenty of elbow room. Trying it on the canal path in Bath will lead to you going for an early bath in the river if the bloke on the Brompton doesn't know you're there and swerves to miss a pedestrian at the same time you steam past on the right. Since you're on the pointy-bars you've got less control than usual. You cock.