The dielectrics of Middle England.

[hirez]

I don't generally read the Daily Fascist 'speak you're brains' section because, well, I've got a fine set of sharp sticks with which to poke myself in the eye already.

However, one follows links emitted by the less-sensible and one has a quiet boggle.

On the last visit, I was struck by the use of language. Obviously, you can't go around saying 'knobjockey' any more. Presumably because it's a perfectly good word, political correctness gone mad, bloody lefties, etc. So some bright fellow had come up with the phrase 'penile equestrianist' as an alternative.

I laughed, briefly, before considering the sort of person who'd say something like that and why they'd say it.

There used to be a few of them semi-permanently propping the bar in the Craven Arms. There's a Harry Enfield sketch that captures that sort of middle-aged middle-englander cardigan-pilot. Levers himself up and down on his squeaky toes and gurns smugly through his square steel glasses.

"What's your chariot of choice these days old chap?"
"Can I interest you in a tincture? And for the little woman?"
"I think those EU chaps are extracting the urine, if you'll pardon my French."

Y'see, proper swearing is something for the lower orders, so these types wave their Reader's Digest 'Increase your word-power' success about because it makes them sound a bit clever and a bit posh.

Wankers. They're 'avin' a right fackin' larf.

Anyway. Any other examples?

Comments

[diffrentcolours]

Isn't the noun just "equestrian", rather than "equestrianist"?

[echo-echo.livejournal.com]

You are quite right. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equestrian

[quercus.livejournal.com]

But they would of course use "equestrianist".

And they'd start a sentence with a conjunction.

[hirez.livejournal.com]

Sir has the nut of it.

[chiller.livejournal.com]

I hate to say this, but they're also ALL Pratchett-readers.

[hirez.livejournal.com]

That's a bit disturbing. Still, they're not the type to turn up and bother Sir T. in person.

[chiller.livejournal.com]

No, and it's not Pratchett's fault. I like Pratchett. But there is a certain type who reads him who ought to have been put in a hessian sack and drowned at birth.

[echo-echo.livejournal.com]

I've heard banker substituted for wanker, "He's a right banker" but these days, I'm not sure which is the graver insult.

[aoakley.livejournal.com]

There are some genuinely profanity-innocent, too. Such as my mother, who believed that "dick head" was a contraction of "dickybird-head".

[moral-vacuum.livejournal.com]

When I was a child I'd never seen the word "fallacy" written down, so when someone used the term on the radio I thought they were saying (in a posh way) that something was a load of cock.

[childeric.livejournal.com]

I remember reading in an otherwise-entirely-sober archaeological site report about some megaliths the sentence 'The notion that the projecting long stone was a male fertility symbol is, of course, a fallacy.' We don't get all that many laughs in my field, of course.

[moral-vacuum.livejournal.com]

I found myself referring to my dear wife as "the memsahib" the other day. My brass-buttoned navy blue blazer is no doubt in the post.

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

Y'know, if I see one in a charity shop in remotely the right size. I shall be compelled to buy it for you, now.

Is it better if it has small sailing ships or fake naval insignia on the buttons?

[moral-vacuum.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't be seen dead in such a garment. Even for fancy dress.

However I think buttons with little coats of arms on would be a better idea. This would be worn with grey flannel trousers and golf shoes, of course.

[hirez.livejournal.com]

"And what do you have lined up for le weekend, old chap?"

[FX: Mimes golf-swing. Makes 'pock' noise.]

[moral-vacuum.livejournal.com]

You do this FAR to well.

BTW: have you noticed that the type of man referred to as "clubbable" makes one want to attack them _with_ a club?

[hirez.livejournal.com]

Ta very much. It's a side-effect of not knowing how to fit in. You pay attention to how people act in order to mimic it later.

Yes.

There was an utter arse of a man who arrived in the boozer the one time. Looked a bit like Jack Nicholson and gosh did he know it. Apparently he was a/the motoring correspondent for the local paper, thus a complete Clarkson.

He barged in to our conversation, talked rubbish for a while, then bogged off. As he was leaving he said something like "Average run-rate, fair to middling banter." Thanks so much for that.

As you say, eminently clubbable.

[easterbunny.livejournal.com]

I realize that it's apocryphal civil servant rather than Middle England, but I've been giggling to myself on and off for the last week over "Confederation of Geriatric Shoe-Makers".

[bmlg.livejournal.com]

Thank you for that. I hadn't heard it, and it's giving me several seconds of glee.

[moral-vacuum.livejournal.com]

Buy/download "Yes, Minister", and wallow in the linguistic beauty.

[markeris.livejournal.com]

I`m jolly fond of "I say, are you by chance ensconced upon the alternative omnibus?"

[janinemarriott.livejournal.com]

i have enjoyed using cork sucking icehole in polite company