Want to drive hits on your web-property? Full-on tractor-driving action is what you want.

[hirez]

I have just been grovelling round the back of the computer bench with the narrow vacuum attachment that generates extra suction. Or makes all the right noises to convince one that extra suction is being developed and is thus the correct implement to use for such jobs. That specific job being 'clean out the inside of the PC because it has been stopping randomly instead of running for weeks at a time between M$-sponsored restarts, and while you're at it see to the knitted mess of cables and things that have fallen off the back of the bench so there's slightly less crap for the fans in the PC to collect and thus delay the inevitable repeat of this unpleasant expedition.'

It's dark down the back of that there bench, so as an aid to being able to see things, I gaffered a Maglite (small) sized LED torch underneath the narrow vacuum attachment that may or may not generate extra suction, thus giving me a free hand to dig things out of the way.

While unwrapping the gaffer, it came to me that I had just invented the tactical vacuum cleaner.

Obviously what is required to persuade MEN to do more cleaning is a matt-black vacuum powered by something like the blower motor from a CDC Hawk, with a range of accessories that come in a Zero Halliburton-style case and snap together with really loud clicks. All of the business ends should be fitted with Picatinny rails, and there should be a variety of extra-cost 'tactical' and 'special ops' bolt-ons.

Elsewhere, pruning. Knackered.

Comments

[solipsistnation.livejournal.com]

I think you're onto something there. I already savor the metallic clicks and snappings-together as I assemble our mundane canister vacuum as if I were readying a sniper rifle I'd carried in a briefcase past unsuspecting office workers and security guards on my way up to the roof of a tall building. You might as well take it to the next level.

[steer.livejournal.com]

It was observed in my family household that dad switched to doing the hoovering the day we bought a hoover which looked like industrial machinery and had a manual talking excitedly about power rating and cyclone generation.

[jarkman.livejournal.com]

Hurrah for pruning.

Here, also pruning, plus looking menacingly at a surplus ash tree. Also knackered.

[pir.livejournal.com]

I appreciate your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

[hirez.livejournal.com]

Step 1) Buy compact Dyson.
Step 2) Port & gasflow the thing.
Step 3) Paint it matt black and bung a Yoshimura sticker on the side.
Step 4) Profit!
Step 5) Retire to pub, drink profits, never speak of this again...

[hirez.livejournal.com]

You know, were one going for a pointless 'luxury' brand, the 'Dyson Black, contract killer edition' would be a spectacularly pointless one.

[solipsistnation.livejournal.com]

But you know it would sell.

http://www.geekologie.com/2012/02/tactical-beer-mug-with-scope-mounts-ar-1.php

[sheepthief.livejournal.com]

You could bring out a whole range to cater for different niches. The Ghostbusters backpack vac would be another.

[arkady.livejournal.com]

Sod the men - I'd do more cleaning! I think the main reason Eldest Daughter started vacuuming more (when we were living somewhere with carpet) was because the new Goblin vacuum looks like the Chief's helmet in Halo, apparently.

[capt-prickle.livejournal.com]

I read somewhere a longtime ago that manufactures design their vacuum cleaners with men in mind, as they are often the ones chosing them. Probably why Dyson sells so well...

[sarah-mum.livejournal.com]

Grosse Point Henry.

[sarah-mum.livejournal.com]

Also, you have reminded me of The Panic Brothers.
Thank you.