Weekend traffic report with Neasden Postlethwaite

[hirez]

A30 (i): What appeared to be a Polo astride the central reservation on the far side of a gap in same. Polis blocking the southbound carriageway, but of course everyone had to slow down for a good look while travelling north. Further up the road, two polis cars were trundling along at the head of an appropriately-sized queue.

A30 (ii): Caravan in layby with bodywork at 45-degree angle. First time I've seen one of those mobile boghouses with a ram and tipping assembly, but I suppose it makes unpacking less of a struggle. Oh, wait. There's a battered-looking car still attached to the towing hitch. There's not a straight panel on the thing and it looks very much like the caravan shook it around like a football rattle.

A30 (iii): Coned-off Pug 30X (probably) with a concertina bonnet.

M5 (i): Some frizz-haired bollix in a Polo decides it would be a jolly good wheeze to steam up on the inside of some middle laner caravan-pilot. Not such a good idea when caravan-pilot starts to pull in while Polo-girl is in his blind-spot. Oh how I laughed as the effing caravan fishtailed down the road in front of me.

M5 (ii): Angry baldy-man in an Accord does not indicate or look, but starts to pull out into the space occupied by a reasonably-sized lump of Swedish steel (and rubber, plastic, etc).

At about this point, I think 'Soddez cela pour un jeu de soldats' and hasten (because I am no longer going to hang around so stupid people can try and drive at me) to the nearest motorway exit.

Even then, I cannot escape. The traffic lights on the ring-road are down and the polis aren't letting anyone into Frenchay.

Comments

[d-floorlandmine.livejournal.com]

I've seen a caravan provide a Volvo estate with a wind-assisted bootlegger reverse on the motorway before. The caravan pulled the car around ... and then tipped onto one side, with the Volvo supported by the front bumper and the towing hitch. The whole event accompanied by an impressive sound of the death of crockery ...

[hirez.livejournal.com]

I know I shouldn't laugh, but...

Oh. Right. So one of the self-powered boghouses was called a 'Turboquest'. Which is either a NWOBHM band, an 80s aftershave, a 'cyberpunk' D&D book, the name of a spaceship in a rubbish SF film or a Judas Priest remix LP.

[d-floorlandmine.livejournal.com]

I put my bet on the Judas Priest remix LP. [grin]

[drpete.livejournal.com]

Ah yes. The Great British Summer on the roads. There's an NMA lyric that says "three hot nights in succession, the riot season is here again", which seems particularly applicable to British drivers.

Ross On Wye away strip

[aoakley.livejournal.com]

The M5 is lovely from about Frankley services to Michaelwood services. Really, really lovely; not that busy, nobody really in much of a rush, hardly ever any crashes and few roadworks apart of the occasional bridge repair. But if you go north of Frankley or south of Michaelwood, it suddenly becomes full of tossers.

The stark conclusion of that is that Worcestershire is full of dull, well-mannered, observant drivers in appropriate vehicles. There is presumably some kind of median point of motorway karmic nirvana somewhere around the M50 interchange. And oddly, I've never heard anyone raise their voice at Strensham services.

Maybe the M50 is is some kind of device for channelling mid-Welsh rural calm into the heart of England. A kind of four-lane ley-line from the Brecon Beacons. Mind you, Ross on Wye is exactly the kind of place that you feel very happy to drive away from.

Re: Ross On Wye away strip

[hirez.livejournal.com]

The M50 is a relic from the experimental days of motorway building. It's also empty and sporadically policed. Which might be nice, were one interested in that sort of thing.

The best thing about Ross was what turned into Operation Julie.

Re: Ross On Wye away strip

[aoakley.livejournal.com]

I'd always wondered why the M5 used to terminate just south of Worcester.

One of the many fascinating but ultimately useless tidbits of information I gleaned from the excellent BBC 4 documentary "The Secret Life of the Motorway" (http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b007xr62) was that the M5 itself was not, as most people suppose, designed specifically for getting Brummies to Torquay as fast as possible, but that it was actually designed specifically for getting coal from Wales to Birmingham as fast as possible.

Indeed, I was aghast to discover that the M50 was actually constructed before the M5, and the M5 was tacked on the end as a strategic afterthought. There's a kind of modern "Fog in Channel, Continent Cut Off" mindset whereby we presume that Middle England always has been the most important bit of the UK. Clearly, in the postwar period, the South Wales coal pits were far more important. It's that kind of paradigm shift that highlights just how tossy everyday life has become. That and words like "paradigm shift".

As for industrial-scale LSD manufacture in rural market towns... imagine my complete lack of surprise.

Re: Ross On Wye away strip

[hirez.livejournal.com]

A splendid programme indeed.

The development of the motorway network makes sense when you recall that the railways were primarily built for freight.

[quercus.livejournal.com]

Motorway ley lines - you'll have him writing again.

If you think South of Michaelwood is bad, go South of Aztec West, or even beyond Gordano.

[hirez.livejournal.com]

beyond Gordano

You make it sound like 'Beyond the black stump'.

I'm not going to dig out the previous posts that mention cbrd.co.uk, the London Box and the Gloucester-Whitby road. Or indeed the Hawling Tramway.

(Although I should mention that the M5 idiocy was handy for the Stroudwater junction.)

[aoakley.livejournal.com]

Don't forget http://pathetic.org.uk and http://motorwayservicesonline.co.uk/ too.

The M50 is effectively the UK's first preserved heritage motorway. Y'know, like a heritage steam railway; doesn't go anywhere useful, should have been axed in the 60s, beautiful scenery, still loved by grandparents and geeked over by haulage enthusiasts. I mean, really, you could probably run coach trips along it - start at Strensham, turn around at the terminating roundabout at Ross, back to Strensham without stopping. It'd be no less pointless than a dozen heritage railways, but with the added bonus of the coach driver being able to floor it over ton without the police giving a toss.

Most heritage railways these days have diesel enthusiast days, so it isn't that much a leap.

[aoakley.livejournal.com]

Oh, good lord...

http://motorwayservicesonline.co.uk/services/strensham/image6.jpg
(1960s postcard of Strensham services)

http://motorwayservicesonline.co.uk/services/strensham/image3.jpg
(photo of the "secret" southbound exit of the northbound services)

[hirez.livejournal.com]

That exit's dead handy. Um, allegedly.

(I wasn't driving, it was a long time ago, etc.)

[quercus.livejournal.com]

I used to stop at Strensham in the '90s, as it was just about my endurance limit on the Bideford-Tyneside commuter run. At a time when other service stations were nasty, but a modern sort of run-down nasty, Strensham was still a perfect time capsule of the '60s. Like a Kodachrome-coloured postcard that had been left getting rained on it the letterbox.

[hirez.livejournal.com]

Bideford? What in sod's down there, other than Appledore Shipbuilders?

[quercus.livejournal.com]

AMP connectors. They made 1/4" spade terminals on rolls a couple of miles long. A glitch in a reeling / unreeling machine was more Sproing! than you've ever wanted to see at close range.

They also made easy-connect high-loss thin Ether connectors that introduced me to the concept of corporate "eating-your-own-dogfood", and why this was often such a terrible idea. Mind you, remote debugging the T-shaped building / "Yes, all three of the Ethernet terminators are properly in place, what sort of fools do you take us for?!" support call was amusing.